Was there anything else I could have done?

As I was checking on patients in the hospital I saw a body laying under the blue sheet in bed 9 which was previously vacant. I went over and gently placed my hand on the back and out popped a head. I smiled and he smiled back with a shy expression. He talked and talked to me in Kirundi even though he knew I had no clue what he was saying. I really bonded with this guy for some reason. His name is Epiphaz, young 30s. He walked into the clinic last week complaining of diarrhea for about 1 month. He kept having diarrhea so I would help him walk to the bathroom and then give him medicine, and tuck him in. His fevers were uncontrollably high, up to 40.6 Celsius (over 105 degrees Fahrenheit). There was no clear answer as to what was wrong with him. We did not (and still don’t have) HIV tests at the clinic so he was started on ARVs based on symptoms. He was taking a plethora of antibiotics- Erythromycin, Cipro, Bactrim, and more. He was getting vitamins and paracetamol (for fevers and pain) around the clock but still kept spiking fevers. I would go into the ward and feel his hot body engulfed in the blankets and we’re go through our routine. Taking the blankets off, keeping on only the blue sheet and spraying him down with the water bottle, which he hated at first but later would ask for as his fevers got increasingly higher.


A few days ago I learned that he has a wife and daughter, probably about 4 years old. One of the cutest girls I’ve seen in her peach colored little princess dress-up dress. She would smile at me from a far but when I would get close she would run away and point and shake her finger at me. Everyone in the ward would laugh- her mom and dad included. His wife was sweet. Very attentive to his needs, helping him eat, helping him up to take is medicines and reminding him to keep the blankets off his body.


About the same time the wife and daughter came he grew very weak. He was looking emaciated, frail, and extremely thin. The fevers kept spiking, he got so weak he couldn’t even lift himself up to sit in bed. I had to put the medicine in his mouth and his wife gave him sips of water. He was one of the people I would Reiki on a regular basis. Again, I don’t know what it was about this guy but we immediately connected. I would sit on his bed with him, rubbing his back and holding his hand sometimes in silence, sometimes with him rambling on. I knew he was going down hill because the smiles stopped. The rambling in Kirundi stopped. I would peak under his blue sheet with a big smile and the expression returned was one of misery, and longing to be healed. He was miserable.


We suspected TB as the explanation for the uncontrollable fevers so we sent him to Rumonge Hospital for a chest X-ray. The vehicle wasn’t leaving until about 3 or 4 days after the time we started suspecting TB, so he waited here.


Today the vehicle was leaving and as I was standing outside by the ambulance he was wheeled out of the ward, barely able to sit in the wheelchair due to his weakness and bony frame. He made new holes in his belt because he had lost so much weight his pants would just fall down. It took 3 of us to put him in the ambulance because he had no strength, not even enough to step up into a vehicle. I helped slide him into a comfortable position and gave him a hug. “Turasubira,” I said (see you later). He shook his head no. I explained in my broken Kirundi and gestures that he was coming back after the chest Xray at Rumonge Hospital. I knew he understood but once again, he shook his head no. “Kira,” I said (heal). His wife and daughter slid in the ambulance next to him and I shook there hands, gave the little girl a farewell tickle and again said, “turasubira.” The wife replied with, “ego” (yes).The vehicle drove away and the day went on.


4 hours later I was listening to music taking a pseudo nap when I woke to Elvis saying, “that guy we sent to Rumonge died.” I sprung up with a “what guy?” “The one from bed 9, he just died on the x-ray table at Rumonge, he collapsed.”
I was in disbelief. His wife, his 4 year old daughter in her peach dress. No one was expecting this to happen, except for maybe him. Maybe he knew it was the end and that’s why when I said “see you later” he replied with a “no.” Do people know when their going to die?


Moments like this remind me that death can happen at any time. I’m glad I sat with him, rubbed his back, held his hand, and brought him smiles. He in term lit up my day when I would peak under the blue sheet and see his shy smile looking at me. I’m still in shock, I was certain we would help him regain strength and send him on his way. I guess there were other plans for him. Now we need his wife and daughter to get tested for HIV as soon as we get the supplies in the lab.



Even though in my heart I know I am not responsible, my head still asks, “was there anything else I could have done?”